The Grief Lever

My mom died earlier this year and several times a day I’m hit with just the remembering of it – the weight of the thought that she’s gone. It’s a hard feeling to do anything productive with. What I’d like is a lever to pull whenever I remembered. Just something to mark the occasion – yes, I have grieved – and then my mind could move on to other things. Of course the actual result would be nothing like that. I’d just be pulling on the lever, over and over, still sad but also yelling “why isn’t this fucking lever working?”